You speak in a dead, dead language.

Dear Jane,

Today I am breaking up with you.

How long has it been now? Eh, I guess it's too much to recount, too many memories we can't revive and one too many sad days we really shouldn't bring back. A little bit of this and a little bit of that, and somehow we make our way to the same sticky ending: the one that makes me suffer the most, because it hurts so much I can taste blood. But isn't this how life really goes? There comes a time we must let go of the things that hurt us because we know deep down we deserve to be happy. Yes...

Of course there's been good times, too. Perhaps far much more than bad, but it's always the negative that keeps nagging at us, destroying the small glimpses of raw, powerful happiness. Am I scared? I'd be an idiot not to admit it, because it leaves me petrified. I am now choosing to leave behind the only person that I've known for as long as I can remember. But I have to... Because you're selfish and impatient, childish and impossible at times, and it's hard to accept that I need to break up with you in order to find myself again. A new me, obviously. One that's all grown up and ready to face the big, bad world without having you for a comfortable, familiar cushion. I'm scared I'll fall to the ground and bruise my knees and there won't be anyone to wipe off the trickling trail of blood, that I'll have to hold the cry in and bit my lip until it's sore because there won't be anyone to laugh it off and tell me it's going to be alright.

But that would be lying. Telling me things will be okay and actually witnessing that...Huge difference. And it never seems to come true. I've waited so many years in hopes that I won't have to do this. I've lied and cheated and pretended. All in vain. As it happens, I have to break up with you. I have to learn that childhood is a warm place we all have to leave at one point, but I choose to keep a small part of it hidden in my soul, because I never want to stop being a kid. I never want to stop being happy for the silliest of things, or desire to fall in love until my knees bend under the strength of someone's smile. I want to be able to jump in a bed with my shoes on and still remember when I was a kid and my mum used to shout at me to stop. What I don't want anymore is the guilt. The fact that I need to stop making excuses for myself is just a side effect. In the end, I choose to take you with me wherever I go and no matter where I end up. It just won't be the same.

I don't know how to say goodbye to you. I'm not good at things I don't want to do. Shall I pretend I don't care... I could. But I won't, not today. Because today. I'm breaking up with you. I'm letting you go and I'm setting myself free.


I'm setting myself free of me. Goodbye, Jane.