Try again.

A whole week without blogging, I must say I miss it. Ranting about my various troubles seems to help, but I can only find one answer to the lack of updates: there's really not that many problems in my life right now. Everything happens for a reason and I find myself exactly where I'm supposed to be. Sure, sometimes I'd like more free time, but there's always a sacrifice to everything.

Last week we walked all the way to Sutton and had a laugh when the English class was canceled. Because we had to walk back to Cheam and then, we realized there wasn't much to do here. So guess what? Oh yes, straight to Sutton we went, laughing all the way there. Good exercise! When I say we, that's me and my three newly found friends. Good girls, rather crazy. Perfect entourage.

I made my first money this week. As in, first time ever when I had to actually work for a paycheck, not just pretend. Life is hard, dude. I was sitting in the park today, watching the kids and thinking how much I'd love to be a child again. To have nothing to worry about other than what toys to play with or...to be a teenager and only think about that guy I saw at the mall. Seriously, children don't even know how better off they are, in their own world.

And then...after three weeks of blessed time, today I had to argue with someone. Seems impossible to have it all, so something had to break. I just wonder why I care...I really wish I didn't. It would be so much easier.


P.S. Watch Vampire Diaries. I cry every time. And the first season is coming to an end soon, which leaves me heartbroken.

Long distance.

Jack is very cute, just so you know. He's twenty years old, lives in Sutton and has two tattoos. Oh, and a job! And he kept whispering sweet nothings into my ear last Saturday, even though I clearly told him it won't matter.

Why am I even saying this to a blog? I don't know, I just felt like typing something, hah. Something about a cute guy who happened to give me his phone number, just in case.

Anyway. On a more serious note, things here are still on the right track. Weekdays spent with the children, weekend nights out with Geraldine. This new me must have been hiding forever now, cause I can't seem to have enough. It got me thinking, though. I spent the last four years of my life pretending to be something I obviously am not and I can't find the reason. But, for once it doesn't even matter. Because apparently partying is me, even though I said it's not.

A trip to London is beginning to appear on the horizon, much to my happiness. I've started drinking coffee, Costa Coffee, every morning. I take India and Luca to school, I pick up my cup of steaming latte, then I head back home, all British looking. I could get used to this lifestyle. Well...minus the children. Cause yes, I've come to the sad /not conclusion that kids are not for me. Sure, I like them and I get along with them just fine, but from my point of view, they only put a stop to what you want to do. When you have them, you have to change everything about yourself. And it doesn't sound so amazing to me, just saying. But more on that later, I never say never.

I actually watched Dear John, the movie. And I was disappointed by the ending, because I wanted it to be sad. Instead, they had a happily ever after and I've wasted my tears for this film. It was a good movie, I won't lie. I just would've liked another ending.

And so, I'm done rambling for the day. I got nostalgic today and thought about a certain someone back home, but not in a positive way, so to speak. So-so. Which is why I'm leaving you with one of my favorite songs. And I don't say that a lot, hah. Taaa-taa!

Week number one.

I figured this day needs a special blog, since it's an important date. One whole week in the UK and I'm still holding strong. I must say, I'm actually quite proud of myself, though there are certain things that annoy me. Like how...no matter what you do, someone will come ruin it no sooner than the second you're done. Par example: cleaning a table, gathering someone's toys. Makes me wanna think twice about the whole 'have your kids' issue, but that's a tale for another time.

We went to see Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang today, which is a funny movie with Ralph Fiennes, Emma Thompson and Maggie Smith. Only my sister will get the references, cause she's a nerd and I love her. But for the untrained eye? Lot of Harry Potter actors, which of course made the film more entertaining. I'm finally learning my way around this town using public transportation, I can safely use their money (hooray for all the math private sessions, they help a lot!) and I'm loving the fact that people here are extremely friendly. My neighbor, Geraldine, she's French and she speaks this broken English, it's hilarious. I'm sensing loads of Saturdays out and that's always a good thing in my book.

What else, what else. Getting my papers ready to send next week, finally getting my own routine around here. The new kitchen is coming up pretty quickly, apparently it's going to look amazing. Until then however, it's nothing but a bunch of dust and drilling noises all day long. Oh well. Can't have everything. I plan on trying out Indian food with my first pay check, in London no less. It's still early to assume, but I kind of feel like my life is on the right track for once. Yeah, it's hard and yeah, it's tiring. But it's worth it. If only certain people would stop trying to second-guess me, that would be wonderful. No matter how many times you say I'm coming home soon, that will not happen. I'm determined to make this right and you can't change that. Stop trying, enjoy life, smell a rose. Best of luck.

Loving this Nickelback song. Enjoy!

Home, sweet home.

I was never one to belong in that one, amazingly fuzzy place we call home. Wherever we had to move, I adjusted and I can't remember longing for one place or another. Five days in Sutton, London and...I'm almost there. It just takes ages to learn everything! I'm currently trying to learn my way around the house and everything in it, it's all very weird and extremely different.

There's some moments I kind of want to break down and catch the first flight to Romania, but then I snap out of it and remember that the UK was my dream for about 7 years or so. That helps a lot, even though I actually find myself missing a few things and a bunch of people. Quite a lot, especially at night time when I have to watch TV until my eyes bleed so I don't have to think about the 1,500 miles away from home.

But anyway...Today was my first day officially 'on the job'. Seriously? Growing up sucks big time. You always have to make sure everything is in order, you have tons of responsibilities and tasks and it just feels really hard to deal with. Deep breaths, deep breaths. And so I start counting down my 365 days of slaving my way into the desired Blue Card. This too shall pass.

I haven't had much time to call people or talk to them because I've been so busy lately. Places to see, people to meet, stuff to remember. Sutton is an amazing place, with really nice people. Last Saturday I had my first outing with a couple of newly found friends and all I have to say is w.o.w. Clubs here = totally different from clubs in Romania (not that I've seen that many). But! Many people offered to buy me drinks, so I'm taking that as a good thing. Hey, when you're out of money...at least you know someone's always willing. And everyone here is always busy, always doing this or that, no time to be a lazy ass. I feel out of place cause all I want to do is sit at the computer all day long. Of course :)

So yeah. I still need a bit more time to get everything organized and to feel more confident running around mighty old England. Hopefully, a trip to London will come up soon, I'm sure that will cheer me up loads. Until then, my friends...Kisses and hugs, love you all tons. <3


P.S. I'm learning British. Even my accent is different. I'll be one of them in no time, promise.
And, song time. This is exactly how I feel, oddly enough.

Dear John.

I feel so abused and so lost, all because of you. Never in my life have I met someone so confusing and so determined to make me feel inferior and less of a human being. Tonight I had the occasion to see that you'll never change and that, no matter how many times I try or what I do, there is no chance for us. I randomly see you on the street and you, out of fear or shame (I wish I knew), shove your friend in my face, like I might jump at you or god knows what. I felt small and insignificant and that was a clear reflection of the last three+ years. I probably wasted so much time, much more than needed, but oh well. Call me a sucker for every time I forgave all the little things, for every memory I now treasure.

Blood, sweat, tears. My life, soul and heart. All for you and you never saw it. And once again I thought you might have noticed me, but such a fool I was. If I could, I'd laugh. But I can't, which makes this even more pathetic than it should be.

True goodbyes are the ones never said or explained.

So true, so...goodbye.



Last boyfriend rant. I thought about not writing it, but I seem to function better once my frustration is on paper/screen. And what I felt like anger turned out to be an endless pit of sadness, much to my disappointment. Four days until London and I have too many feelings to sort out, which makes it impossible to concentrate on this particular one. Good, bad? I don't know. All I know is I'm disappointed, and that's one thing I can't fight with.

P.S. A "Dear John" letter is...well, read below.
Source: credit!


And song, song, song.