That should have been the title of this blog. I was up pretty late this whole week, going to bed at 4am, thinking about stuff that really shouldn't matter. It's weird how much sleep you can miss because you're dwelling on things that only matter to you. I thought about Valentine's Day, of course, and how I was determined to make it better on my own. So I had planned to go out with the girls, totally ignoring any form of boys. However I needed some information, for which I had to contact my pseudo-boyfriend.
Well. Last week he told me I had to change and get better and shit like that. I, as per usual, said I was going to try. So I started calling him again, after months in which he had been the only one to do it. That shows I'm trying, right? I'm not imagining things. Of course, he wasn't of much help and I'm not entirely surprised. He gives off the vibe that he could care less about what I want, so I'm thinking I should be doing the same. Sometimes I wish I were a boy, cause they don't give a fuck. I want to not give a fuck. Must learn that. Soon.
Moving on.
I had this all typed up maybe three hours ago?
Good. Now it turns out someone does care about this weekend.
I'm confused, hurt, a little dirty. Hah.
Regardless, I'm not taking back what I said.
I'm just adding that sometimes we have to ignore the nice gestures people try to do in order to make sure they won't be able to hurt us anymore. And that is perhaps one of the hardest things in life.
I'm having cake now. To celebrate my Valentine's weekend. It might be a silly holiday, but I'm such a sucker for these things. I like to be happy. Even if I have to pretend things are okay. I give myself five minutes of peace, quiet and serenity.
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