Behind the lies.

I gaze into her eyes and I wonder how come we ended up being two strangers, when we used to be so close. She looks at me with a serious expression on her face and after a couple of minutes, in which that awkward silence makes me feel inadequate and small, her features soften and her lips curl into a sweet, shy and sort of sad smile. No, not sad... Knowing. She knows exactly what happened and why, but she's not saying anything, perhaps in an attempt to make me talk about it, when she knows all I want to do is avoid it. I'd run away if I could, but her stare holds me down, despite the smile.

"You haven't been here in a while." She says to me and I lower my head, shameful. She's right, but I don't want to give her that. "Or if you do come around, it's always hurried and hushed, never honest..." She goes on and I have to look her in the eyes now. She's hurting me on purpose, to bring out everything I'm trying to hold back. I bit my lower lip and glance away, letting out a soft sigh, feeling my emotions bubbling up about to spill in a river of undying words, gushing with force. "Maybe I have my reasons." I finally say, looking at her again, matching her smile. She doesn't say anything else, she just stares at me, confident I won't lie to myself anymore.

I see it now... We're the same, me and her. Just because she tries to reason with me and make me understand it's okay to break down every once in a while, it doesn't make us any less different. I pretend she's not there and she pretends I'm not pretending. And she's always there, unforgiving and loving at the same time. It's just a question of which side she wants to show more often.

I blink and then I blink again, the smile growing bigger on my face. "It will be alright, Cristina. You'll be alright, you're strong enough." She says to me and I see our lips moving at the same time, I hear the sound of my voice echoing in the room... And as soon as I nod to that thought, her eyes become soft and silent, like the surface of a tranquil sea. But I know deep down I'll keep lying to myself. It's just that sometimes, I see myself behind all the fake reasons and excuses... Behind all the lies.