You can't hold on to water.

It's been quite some time since I've written here, and to this day I still have nothing special to say. But as I was watching some videos from a Romanian TV show, I felt like laying down some thoughts in an attempt of feeling at ease with...well, with pretty much everything.

Christmas is right around the corner and though I've steered clear from the pain of feeling homesick, I think it's finally catching up. No, don't get me wrong. It's not enough to make me jump on a plane and head home, but it's enough to make me sad in the evening, right before I go to bed. I've always been the skeptical one when it came to going back to Romania, but I find myself missing it sometimes. Not the politics, not the misery, but the beautiful landscapes, that home feeling you can only get when your mother's arms are wrapped around you. That is what I miss, and so many other things. Things I hadn't noticed before I left. And I'm pretty sure that no matter how much I try, I'm not going to find them anywhere else.

But that's the thing about life. You have to decide if it's worth letting go of those familiar things in order to brighten up your future and along with it, your whole life. We may regret our past and not love our present very much, but without those two, we wouldn't have a future to look forward to. If we hadn't made those mistakes, we'd never find ourselves exactly where we are. And more importantly, we probably wouldn't be who we are.

I'm quite happy with where I am right now. I know I have a long way to go to get to that point where I can say "I've done it my way and it turned out to be great.", but without taking that first step, I'd probably still be back home, wondering what if. And that's not acceptable.

My motto now is 'take each day as it comes' and though I'm still struggling to apply it every day, it's definitely an improvement from what it used to be. And maybe, just maybe, one day I can go back home and feel great once again. At home.