Regulating free press - friend or foe?

Everyone has heard of the Leveson inquiry. Everyone who has any inkling in finding out about the world, that is. Lord Justice Leveson was given an important task in the matter of whether or not the press needs an independent body to slice and dice. The inquiry followed the demise of News of the World, after their royal editor and a private investigator were convincted of illegal interception of phone messages. It seemed to transpire that the media was going rogue in attempts to sell.

Free press. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that "everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference, and impart information and ideas through any media regardless of frontiers". This concept is also covered by the same laws as freedom of speech, which gives equal rights to published and spoken opinion. It's probably worth noting that not all states are considered to have freedom of press, as it is a democratic concept not widly popular in totalitatian states such as China or Nepal. That, of course, leads to the concept of censorship, seeing as you can't have one without the other. The democratic ideology of freedom of speech dates back from the Ancient Athens, but it has its limitations, even in the 21st century.

In the case of the result of the Leveson inquiry, introducing an independent royal regulatory body in a country that has valued freedom of speech since the 17th century would probably end in disaster. Sure, the idea behind this is a respectable unbiased organisation, supposedly there to protect people's basic rights to privacy and freedom of speech. But seeing as it has been agreed among the country's main political parties, that is sufficient proof to understand how biased this ideal body would be. Like in any other country, independent of the regime, politics is a source of power and that means that people at the helm of this country can, and will, influence just about everything. It doesn't matter how much they try to convince us their objectives are the welfare of the system, ultimately all is reduced to a battle for power. And that's exactly what politics is. Every politician wants to leave something behind. But in order for them to achieve anything, they need power.

The regulatory body in charge of watching over the freedom of the press will end up in censorship. By applying the simplest of definitions of freedom of speech and censorship, any regulation of the now free press is censorship. Once newspapers and magazines sign on to this, there is no say to what they will or will not be allowed to publish in the future. And what about the Internet? How does the Leveson inquiry apply to a medium designed especially for the freedom of the media? I am in no way arguing that invading people's privacy in order to make the news is excusable. But it seems ridiculous to cripple the very basic definition of 'media' in order to make politics.

Alternative Media.

As I've studied just recently, alternative media is the kind of media that isn't commercially appealing. It isn't the same as radical media, although radical media can be considered alternative (as it doesn't fit into any mainstream area). Alternative media can be different in content, structure, economics and participants, as most well known studies have shown. But this isn't about the media in itself. As I was reading about the principle debate on mainstream and alternative media, it got me thinking about the social rules and order.

Heterosexual relationships are considered, if we apply this notion, to be mainstream. The society acknowledges and facilitates such relationships, because this is what we've come to know as 'normal' and 'expected'. We're brought into this world, we grow up and eventually old, and society expects us to go to school, get married, pop out a baby or five, then grow old with your more-or-less ideal mate. So. Let's take the four different elements that differentiate mainstream from alternative.

1. Participants.
One woman, one man.
2. Structure:
Heterosexual relationship.
3. Economics:
Usually, following the old-fashioned hierarchical pattern, where she earns less than him (if any), mostly in order to not wound the male ego.
3. Content:
Hopefully, those teeny-tiny babies I mentioned in the above paragraph. Maybe a holiday house somewhere mediocre at best. One joint account, holding savings for rainy days. A two-car garage, accompanied by your regular 3 bedroom house somewhere in the suburbs. And mostly nothing to talk about other than finances and brand diapers/cereal. He watches the game, while she sets up the dinner table.

That's socially acceptable. That's what mainstream is and while being utterly wrong, the media actually perpetuates that. Moving on.

Same-sex relationships. Ah, the alternative that this represents. Considered by many the devil incarnate, for it (apparently) breaks marriages and forces children to grow up abused and emotionally scarred. May I be the first one to point out that people in same-sex relationships were also brought up with the same societal rules? But just like alternative (not radical!) media, they may have taken a different path.

1. Participants:
Two people of the same gender. (i.e. two women, or two men)
2. Structure:
Same-sex relationship.
3. Economics:
You'd be surprised. Many people in same sex relationships also feel threatened by their spouse earning more, but we're just not inclined to make such a big deal out of it.
4. Content:
Again, what a surprise. With a slight variation, they too want the same boring things. A house of their liking, a car, some money saved for retirement and maybe even a toddler or two. Coming from a socially oppressed medium though, they will probably have more to talk about. Should they choose to do so.

The coverage in the media has made it quite clear that although same-sex marriage will be legalised (mostly likely), it would never mean the same thing as whatever it means now. I say 'whatever' because I'm fairly sure most people have lost the perspective on this issue and are just following the trend. Some say it's bad? Mainstream it as bad. Some claim it as a good thing? Hooray with the marriage (same-sex) bill.

There is a huge but in this whole thing, though. Most alternative media started out as outlandish and unheard of, but then got picked up by the mainstreamers and turned into something usual, common. Unless you think same-sex relationships are radical (which would mean they aim to change social order), that's exactly what's going to happen to this alternative idea. And then you have to wonder. What are you fighting for or against?

The art of editing.

I recently took part in a creative writing workshop, as part of my mandatory curriculum at a London University. Although I write fiction since I was nine years old, I rarely thought about taking a serious course on it, as it is my personal opinion that one cannot teach writing. You can write, or you simply can't. And thus, I started this workshop a little skeptical, curious to know whether I was right or not. After all, we may all possess imagination, but the skill to put thoughts into words is not as easily acquirable.

I realised soon that rather than being a medium where people learnt how to write, it was more of an editing and self-editing process, all whilst being observed and judged by fellow peers. I say peers, but I often felt like I was sitting in a room with people who had never tried putting pen to paper. Albeit, it must not have been true, as we'd all picked out this particular course and it does involves reading and writing. Not to make myself seem Mary Sue-ish, but I consider years and years of writing proper experience for such an environment. Or at least a starting point.

My story for this project was in no way innovative or outlandish. It merely recounts the events in my character's life, allowing for some development and emotional impact. My editing process involved quite a lot, as I'm not very keen to hear criticism, but I knew I had to learn how to accept it and incorporate it in my writing mechanism. There is no journalist without critique, for sure. In the end, my story got edited for the better, although my characters ended up the very same way I envisioned them at first. However, it was the process I went through along with my characters that caught my attention and has me writing this entry.

I sat in a room with the same twelve people, for several weeks. I watched them come up with ridiculous ideas for stories, stuff with no substance or plots that needed serious work. Furthermore, some of the stories remained as non-lucrative as they'd originally been thought out, but that's beside the point. As we all sat there, Tuesday after Tuesday, criticising each other's work with no knowledge whatsoever of what it means to edit someone's work, I realised it's exactly what we do in life.

We meet someone and we instantly put them in a box, stereotyping them. It's the natural course of life, I suppose. It's what we did in my workshop. My story was about a lesbian couple whose love story ends on a rather painful note, due to traditions and foreign laws. It's meant to make people think that we can't stereotype simply because we don't understand. It got me labelled as the lesbian feminist who thinks it's wrong for women to fight against traditions, and also as a weird Eastern European because I chose to represent a legal process that most people never encounter. Not to mention I got told it's so much easier to write from a gay perspective. It really isn't.

It's odd. Sitting in a room with people you've never met before, listening to their critical remarks and realising they're not actually talking about your story, but you. Writing is personal, we all know this. But it doesn't have to be all we writers are. There is more to the writer than the writing in itself, and it would be nice if people remembered that before putting you in a box. They may confine you there forever.

No parade for lost souls.

People have as much power as you give them. I may have given certain people too much of me and thus, I find myself stuck in a bit of a rut. Socially retarded, I said to her today. She's just as great as ever, of course, even when I'm annoying and act like a spoiled brat. She's always great.

I'm not that great. I know I have to let go of the past to make the most out of the amazing present I'm currently living, and ultimately to make a better future. What is it that they say....? The best way to predict the future is to create it. I hope they're right, because I've always been idealistic like that. Perhaps thinking I can create something so existentially big is a foolish thing. Let the dreamers dream, I say.

It's been over half a year. Round the same time that I found myself in the most rewarding and challenging relationship, I also learnt the hard way that people are fickle sheep. They all claim to know what's right and wrong, but when it comes to actually listening to the facts, many discovered they had a deaf ear. It doesn't even matter if it was the right or wrong ear. I didn't expect that. Is it why I'm still stuck over what happened?

I swore I'd get over it and I have. You don't matter to me at all anymore. I don't feel the need to stick your face in a wall when I see you. I don't avoid places we used to go together, simply because you don't count at all. I've pushed myself forward and I now have a meaning, a purpose in life, a direction. All along, you were holding me back.
...No. I let you hold me back.

Am I sorry? Not exactly. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be here today. And while I feel stuck and without a way out, I wouldn't change it for the world. I bet it sucks to know I found the happiness of my life because you decided to turn everyone against me. Which, you have. It doesn't matter. What matters is she makes me happier than I've ever been. She gives a different meaning to every day. She challenges me, she changes me, she makes me see who I want to be. And who I want to be with.

I have given you too much power. But I'm taking it back now. Some live to have fun. Others live to make something out of this life. I'd like to think that, as much as I love to have fun, my desire to leave something behind is a lot bigger than the need to drink.

I think the trick is... Find someone that makes you feel complete without defining you as a person. Afterwards, pieces of life's puzzle seem to fall in the right places, somehow. I've yet to fully understand how. I don't think I want to know. Not everything has an explanation. Just like not everyone has a bright future, some people are meant to be average while others are destined for greatness.

Disclaimer: Yes, this is aimed at someone in particular. It's also a life lesson in itself. An experience that redefined my ideas about people and society. One that opened my eyes a little bit more.
This is also the last time I plan to think or mention this said event. I'm locking it on this page, for all eternity. Or for all of blogspot's eternity, at least. Farewell. Tomorrow is a new day.

Say hello to goodbye.

For whatever reason, tonight I find myself thinking about different types of relationships and how everything that goes down between two people can easily be resumed to one thing: a power struggle. Someone has to have the last word, someone needs to be loved a little bit more, someone always ends up giving more and receiving less...

In a social situation, I find it depends on certain factors, such as gender, race, class and whatever else sociecty concocted as 'normal' and 'appropriate'. Slightly different now than it used to be, as the fight for equality in all aspects has carried on for years and has managed to achieve some great results. (See the recent progress USA made with making same sex marriage legal in a bunch of new states. And that's just one example).

Romantically, it baffles me. Of course, people in a relationship will be different, will have different characters and personalities and will want certain things individually. Things that may or may not coincide with anyone else's wishes. And that's acceptable. Who wants to date someone that just manages to stick along for the ride and has nothing going on for themselves? Not a very pretty picture. But the very fact that two people find themselves wishing to intertwine their lives in more than one way, should mean that they aspire to the same things. Sure, compromises can be made along the way. After all, we're only human and we'll all agree to disagree sometimes. But when did that turn into just one person making the compromise all the time? Why is it just one person that has to sit by the phone and wait for a sign? Why can't both people miss each other equally?

But I guess the most important question that we should ask ourselves is... In either place we find ourselves during our 'dating' life. Why do we let ourselves drawn into someone's gravity with such force that we end up completely forgetting we are our own person? And on the same accord, why would we want to string someone along if we know we don't feel as passionately as the other person?

Seems to me people need a clearer definition of what they're looking for in a relationship. People shouldn't get into one if they're not ready to give as much as someone else is offering them. If one doesn't need what someone is willing to give, walk away. Just walk away and don't look back. Better safe than sorry.

Check mate.

When coming out turns into a bigger deal than what you initially thought it would be.

A scenario that seems familiar to probably everyone who's had to come out as gay or lesbian (or anything else in the lgbt spectrum), particularly to parents or relatives.

I didn't really think that I could get in a relationship where everything would be perfect. Not that I'm a spitting image for perfection, or because she's in any way even close. (Well... She is in my eyes, but if we stop to look at things objectively, no one is ever perfect. We may strive for it or look for it in others, but that's about it.) But I did. I'm now 25 and I've reached a point in life when I can genuinely say that this relationship, this school, a job and all the future plans I have are exactly what I need to go on day in, day out. Yes, it gets tough, but life sure as hell isn't easy. It never has been for me, so I don't ever expect to give in and lay down for me. I wouldn't really have it that way.

And then, with recent events, I got to this shocking conclusion. My current relationship is going okay from all social and personal perspectives, but is threatened by cultural differences. Barriers that I can never hope to bring down, for centuries of traditions and customs stand before me. In the 21st century, I stand alone having to defend my close-to-perfect relationship. All because it's not 'appropriate'. And sure, according to said traditions, it really isn't. One is expected to grow up, get married (to someone appropriate, mind you!), pop out a baby, get a boring career path and eventually, grow old. Do what is typical and expected, as I've just been told a mere few moments ago.

She struggles with it. She's caught between what's expected of her and what she really wants to do. And I can't be selfish and complain, because a couple of years ago I fled my home country due to a similar situation. I sometimes still find myself caught between someone's expectations and the realisation that I no longer need or should fulfill it. However. I also realise not everyone is me. And while we are the same in so many other aspects, we clearly differ in this one. That's quite alright, although I wish she didn't have to go through this particular battlefield. I remember it left me scarred and broken and while I seem to have it all together now, I really don't. I just pretend and hope that every day will end on a somewhat good note. And for the last few months, every single day has been like that. Thanks to her.

But she's not the appropriate one. Or, well. Maybe I should put it the other way around. I'm not appropriate. I'm not right. I'm not one of them. Seems like this year has been the time for people to constantly remind me of my origin and how it affects the way society sees me. Whether it's the Western or Eastern one. I don't seem to fit in either hemisphere, funnily enough.

So, check mate. Life, one - Cristina, nil. Once again. I don't know how this is going to end. I don't know if it is going to end. I can't give it too much thought, or I'll talk myself out of it. All of it.

In retrospective.

I dreamed I stopped dreaming...

25 years went in a blink of an eye. I find myself living in a city I once adored, but now simply see as 'home'. It's true what they say, we get comfortable with the things we have and take them for granted. I often wonder if I would long for London should I move elsewhere. I probably would. Or maybe I would learn to call some other land home, leaving this wonderful city behind, with all its glory and history and culture. Forgotten names, forgotten faces... But the memories would always follow me.

I've fallen out with just about everyone in my life since I moved here. Seems that I boarded a fast train to wherever life is meant to take me, while everyone else is enjoying a ride I can't be a part of. I've lost my ticket when I decided that my dreams and goals were far more important than all the effort it takes to entertain certain social interactions. Friendships aren't meant to be this hard. They aren't made to break you and cause you stress over and over again. And I guess I learnt to let go when it gets too tough, for I have no energy to waste on people. For the same reason, I suppose, I've avoided romantic relationships up until now. It's hard to find someone who can understand my need and desire to get somewhere and the fact that I am willing to sacrifice mostly everything for it. I still struggle with it sometimes, although things are pretty much amazing right now. Occasionally though, I find myself screaming at the top of my voice. Some things make sense, while others are completely devoid of anything remotely sane.

I do long for human interaction, sadly. Like my mum used to say to me, ages ago, when I was merely a teenager fresh off my secondary school's desks, 'people can't live alone'. It gets lonely at the top, she'd add. I'm mostly okay when in the outside world, for whatever's worth. I'm really okay when I get to spend time with her, for she genuinely makes me happy. Happier than I've been in a really long time. I'm still okay when I'm left to my own devices and I get to do my thing, without anyone thinking I'm a weirdo. And then there comes a time when I'm just not okay anymore. Like now. On the eve of my 25th birthday, I'm having a little moment. Nothing is fine, everything is wrong and broken, people are annoying, I am annoying. Everything just isn't right, and it is at the same time. I fear I'm on my way to getting everything I wanted and for whatever reason, I want to leave it all behind and run away. Life is confusing, yes. Especially when one tries so hard to find faults in a plan that seems to be working. As best as a laid out plan can work, at the very least.

25 years, gone. The last three have been most rewarding, although filled with a lot of hard times, hard work and everything in between. I'm most grateful to everyone that came and went, for they all shaped up what I always believed in. I'm not one for clinging onto people. I don't get attached, I'm cold and heartless, socially awkward and always goal oriented. People always leave, anyway. I'll stick to going places and seeing things, even if it means getting there on my own. And I'll kill this nostalgic sadness, for I don't want it to bring me down. After everything that happened in the past, it's safe to say people have always managed to disappoint me. And I'm sure I've disappointed them, too.

And that's just a-okay. I'm keeping the memories.