Check mate.

When coming out turns into a bigger deal than what you initially thought it would be.

A scenario that seems familiar to probably everyone who's had to come out as gay or lesbian (or anything else in the lgbt spectrum), particularly to parents or relatives.

I didn't really think that I could get in a relationship where everything would be perfect. Not that I'm a spitting image for perfection, or because she's in any way even close. (Well... She is in my eyes, but if we stop to look at things objectively, no one is ever perfect. We may strive for it or look for it in others, but that's about it.) But I did. I'm now 25 and I've reached a point in life when I can genuinely say that this relationship, this school, a job and all the future plans I have are exactly what I need to go on day in, day out. Yes, it gets tough, but life sure as hell isn't easy. It never has been for me, so I don't ever expect to give in and lay down for me. I wouldn't really have it that way.

And then, with recent events, I got to this shocking conclusion. My current relationship is going okay from all social and personal perspectives, but is threatened by cultural differences. Barriers that I can never hope to bring down, for centuries of traditions and customs stand before me. In the 21st century, I stand alone having to defend my close-to-perfect relationship. All because it's not 'appropriate'. And sure, according to said traditions, it really isn't. One is expected to grow up, get married (to someone appropriate, mind you!), pop out a baby, get a boring career path and eventually, grow old. Do what is typical and expected, as I've just been told a mere few moments ago.

She struggles with it. She's caught between what's expected of her and what she really wants to do. And I can't be selfish and complain, because a couple of years ago I fled my home country due to a similar situation. I sometimes still find myself caught between someone's expectations and the realisation that I no longer need or should fulfill it. However. I also realise not everyone is me. And while we are the same in so many other aspects, we clearly differ in this one. That's quite alright, although I wish she didn't have to go through this particular battlefield. I remember it left me scarred and broken and while I seem to have it all together now, I really don't. I just pretend and hope that every day will end on a somewhat good note. And for the last few months, every single day has been like that. Thanks to her.

But she's not the appropriate one. Or, well. Maybe I should put it the other way around. I'm not appropriate. I'm not right. I'm not one of them. Seems like this year has been the time for people to constantly remind me of my origin and how it affects the way society sees me. Whether it's the Western or Eastern one. I don't seem to fit in either hemisphere, funnily enough.

So, check mate. Life, one - Cristina, nil. Once again. I don't know how this is going to end. I don't know if it is going to end. I can't give it too much thought, or I'll talk myself out of it. All of it.