Flames to dust, lovers to friends.

A huge revelation hit me in the head this morning, as I was sipping from a cup of steaming coffee. Being an adult isn't that hard, as long as you start somewhere. And since the first step is always the hardest one, we sit here pretending we're still kids because we're still in college, still following in our parents' footsteps, trying to please them. Sometimes even ignoring our own selves, much to our disadvantage.

So.
What to do now? The only logical reply seems, 'be an adult' and take life by its...well, you know. ;D
My sense of humor still lives, somewhere deep down, even though stressing out over exams isn't doing it any favors. And then I ask myself when it'll all be over and the answer instantly pops into my mind: never. It only ends when I give up and I'm definitely not ready to do that.




P.S. What is it about the cold weather that makes me want to type even more silly shit? Not that I'm complaining, procrastinating is my favorite activity anyway.

Till the sun comes up...

Mid-session. I kind of want to go die, right about now.
A week of studying and reading and dealing with a lot of other stuff has made me all icky and mean. And bitchy, too.

Nobody likes that.
Not even me.

Oh, how I wish high school back. Those were the golden days, truly. Now we get to deal with exams and bills and stupid love lives. But here's what I wanted to note today: It's been almost a month from 2010 and time seems to go by so freaking slow. I need me a time turner, just like Hermione. If you're not a Harry Potter fan, it's safe to say it's a wonderful device that turns back time.

I would turn time back to a place where I didn't have to worry about school and boys and I could spend all day long reading and listening to my favorite music. And at the same time, I would probably make time go by faster, to reach my all time favorite goal: London.

Instead, I sit here, typing up meaningless words when I should be studying. Hah. Ain't life ironic?


I am going nowhere in a hurry, baby come take away all my worries...



Tiesto Ft. Nelly Furtado - Who Wants To Be Alone

Bad start.

Oh, god. Some weeks start off just bad enough to piss me off for the rest of the week. Or to make me feel weak for the rest of the week. Yesterday, it was both. Learning something that raw about myself was like receiving a slap straight in the face, accompanied by a stupid voice saying 'sorry, you're pretty much insane and need to start working on it'. Ugh. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but whatever. Life goes on, I guess.

Well, life does go on and fuck my life, I'm supposedly in exam session. Three weeks of exams, exams and yes, more exams. My lack of previous studying, combined with my state of mind make me either too energetic or too lazy to give a damn. It's really not a good combination, it makes me wanna slap myself in the face.

Also. What's up with the whole world still going crazy about New Moon? I'm so freaking tired, I want to scream. Everywhere I look online, it's either Twilight related or Avatar stuff. Both need to be stabbed, cause jesus, it's getting old.

Yeah, not such a good mood today. Must go read some more economical shit. Peace.

Born in the wrong place.

I woke up this morning all motivated and energized. I was going to do things. Like? Well. How about everything I've been neglecting? And boy, there's so many, that when I thought about it I decided today wasn't the day. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe.

Winter break was...weird. Every time I go back home, I realize it's not my place there. Not anymore. I got used to living without my parents, even though I thought I never would. Now it's so weird having them around all day long, scary even. It might sound bad, but it's the truth. While I hate living alone, I also don't like living with my parents. Odd, but it's me. Deal with it.

New Years was boring, but nice. I spent it with my sister downtown and while it didn't have anything of the glamor it supposed to have, I don't have any regrets. After all, I did say this was my last one here, so why regret it? It was boring cause by the time we got home, we were too sleepy to eat the ton of food we had or even drink. So we were lame and old.

Other than all the nonsense I've typed. School started and I'm still very much behind with my studying. So behind that I'm looking at my books and wish I could throw them out the window. Can I? Oh, please, please. It's all I'm asking for. Anyway! Yes, school started, exam session in two weeks, I'm still ignoring the few friends I still have and still dealing with my least favorite demon: myself. Hopefully, 2010 will be MY year.

Here's to hoping.
By the way. Happy New Year! (:

Beat me up.

The end of the year always brings out the best in people. Or the worst, depending on each and every one of us. But I think we're all feeling something towards the new year. Whether it's love, hate, excitement, it's never indifference.

My first new year resolution was to try and respect all my resolutions. It's one I've made year after year, until I realized it's only the mirror I watch my soul in, and nothing that could easily be done. But I would love to be able to do it. And for some reasons, it's never the way I want it to be. At the end of December when I have to draw the line, there's always something else I should have done or said. But I tell myself there's time next year around. I don't know if it's true or not, but I've got hope and the air in my lungs, so for now it's enough.

Other resolutions include huge life aspirations that are better off unknown, at least for now. When time comes (and it will, I'm sure) everything will be revealed and quite possibly, all those years with unfulfilled expectations won't matter anymore. I've always thought it's more important to live because life is God's beautiful gift, not for the sake of adding extra points on the to-do list. Is that easy? No. So we make lists and we hope we can make it by the end of the year. You just have to hold on and give it your best shot. You can't be disappointed, if you try hard.


So. In hopes of a wonderful 2010, I write some of my thoughts on this page; maybe this time they will really stick. Maybe.

I get a sidekick out of you.

I used to be love drunk but now I'm hungover; I love you forever- but now I'm sober. Created by mickey-mouse and taken 170 times on Bzoink
Do you like the smell of anything odd (like markers, white-out, or gas)?:	Alcohol.
What is the last song you had stuck in your head? :	Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
Is your handwriting on the larger or smaller side? Is it neat?:	Smaller, not neat.
Be honest - in your opinion are nude portraits classy or trashy?:	Trashy.
Who would you say is the peanut butter to your jelly? ;):	Brad Pitt ;)
If you are what you eat - what exactly are you today?:	Chocolate, fries, cereal.
Do you know any Eminem songs by heart? Which one(s)?:	Mockingbird.
What is something you are absolutely sick and tired of?:	Twilight talk!
Yay or nay: Lil Wayne? :	NAY.
Yay or nay: Taylor Swift? :	Yay...
Which is worse in your opinion - bad hygiene or stupidity? :	Stupidity.
Say something negative about the last person you spoke to in person::	She's a bit self-absorbed.
Say something positive about the last person you argued with::	I can't remember who I argued with, hah.
Do you think soap and candles are bad gifts? :	Depends.
What is your least favorite Disney movie? Why? :	All Disney movies. Because it's Disney.
Do you know the planets in order from the sun?:	No.
Who is somebody you would be stupid to ever trust again?:	Oh boy, long list.
Do you know anybody who has named their... um. "Privates"? :	No, lmfao.
Do you think you've met Mr. or Mrs. Right?:	Nope.
What direction is New York from where you live? :	West.
Do you have any pictures of yourself you wouldn't want your parents to see?:	No.
Would you ever cut your hair 6 inches shorter than it is now?:	Nooo.
Honestly - have you ever taken a picture of yourself in a bathroom?:	No.
Are you a fan of Lady GaGa? How about Katy Perry? :	Yes, both.
Have you ever been the cause of a smoke or car alarm going off?:	No.
If somebody wanted to make you REALLY happy right now what could they do?:	Buy me a ticket to London.
Is your Mom in love?:	I hope not.
Does anybody have a reason to be worried about you right now?:	Yes.
Have you ever driven by somebody changing their clothes in a vehicle?:	No.
Do any of your friends have hot siblings? Which friend(s)? ;):	No hot siblings.
Do you think that everybody cheats in board games at least once?:	Yes.
What is a song that fits your life perfectly right now?:	Chris Daughtry - What about now
Have you ever met a girl (past puberty) who didn't shave their legs?:	No, ew
Do you always knock on doors before you enter a room?:	No.
Have you ever wanted to give somebody a make over?:	A lot of people.
Is there anybody in your life you just can't seem to get along with? Who?:	My aunt.
Have you ever ran into a teacher at a place other than school? Awkward?:	Not awkward.
The last person you hugged is kissing somebody else - are you mad?:	No, she's my sister.
You have to play one, so pick: Strip poker or spin the bottle?:	Spin the bottle.
Who is somebody you love but could never fall IN love with?:	Most of my classmates.
Can you fake an Irish accent? :	No, but I can try :)
Do you know anybody who smokes crack? :	Nope.
Has anybody ever accused you of doing drugs? :	No.
Is it ok in your opinion to have sex with somebody you don't love?:	Yes.
Alright, here is your chance. Recommend a good song: :	Green Day - 21 Guns.
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What about now?

Today was one of those days I wish I were taller. No, bigger. No, somewhere else. No. Someone else. Because being me in this country is proving to be an impossible mission. Sort of like trying out for the amazing race when there's no one by your side. Except, that'd be like survivor.

Sometimes I wish time would go by faster, so I can get closer to my dreams. And then I realize that the more I sit around waiting for time to do its thing, I just lose that time. It's a vicious circle, I know. And it's hard to break free, maybe because there is nowhere to do that. Not here, anyway. I saw so much hate, stupidity and just plain inhumanity today. Of all days, today. The thing is...I pretty much expected it, but I was hoping it would go away, just for today. And as I was walking down the street, smiling to myself, it hit me: the wave of people crushing each other to get a better seat, men yelling at children to move over and women having a panic attack because of the men screaming at their kids. I've been all over the world and I have to admit, I've never ever seen such display of uneducated mass. It made me sad to witness it, because I had thought that in the last twenty years things had changed, at least a little. Not a chance.

So I came home and I said to myself, 'go start that blog of yours already'. And...I did. I'm one to say exactly what's on my mind, so if I offend anyone with any of my words, I apologize in advance. I'm mean and sarcastic and I take pleasure in that fact, because very few people are nowadays. Be prepared for my regular complaints, music notes, movies, reviews or just random babble. Feel free to comment and talk to me, I love people ;)

Love,
Bell.