On reading between the lines.

They say reading between the lines is vital. One can always learn more from what is not being told, rather than spoken words. Perhaps it's true, or maybe it's just a ploy to cause the overuse of one's brain, thus giving people an occupation. It's a fine art, knowing when you're 'reading between the lines' and when you're just overthinking every word, every gesture, every pause.

I've always been gifted in this department. It has always been extremely easy for me to read people. Interpreting body language and anticipating certain moves or reactions have been a part of me for as long as I can remember. It was never particularly interesting for me, I just seemed to be good at it. So good, that now I can even guess what strangers will do, if I have a few crucial details. People I've never met, seen only through the eyes of my close friends, they all become predictable.

I thought it was a good thing. For years, I told myself that knowing people like the back of my hand can't ever be a bad thing. But here's the thing that no one told me. With people's predictability also comes the inability to be surprised. I walk around knowing more or less what people are going to say or do and that takes away some of the fun of finding out things as I go along. I can't even remember the last time I've been surprised or shocked about something. And as much as I want to say that it's for the better, it really isn't.

For being able to predict something, particularly something disappointing, doesn't actually take away the feeling. Being exceptionally good at reading between the lines doesn't take away the pain of being abandoned by friends. Or the knowledge that people you love don't exactly feel the same, although they do care about you a lot. Not even the few moments of happiness when you wake up and she cuddles you in the same way as she always does. Knowing how to read people helps with expectations. Because when people end up doing exactly as predicted, you find out whether or not the expectation was really there.

Sometimes, it's best if it's not. Other times, expectations are good. If you get hurt, at least you had a clue. Even though it doesn't hurt any less simply because you 'read it between the lines'. The anguish is still there.