I am a dreamer. I like to envision things the way I'd like them to happen, only to complain later on that such things were never possible. The one tiny detail that always escapes my mind is that I actually need to take action and make something happen. Action needs movement, or so they say...
Sometimes, I act on it. Too soon, and then it falters and dies, leaving me wondering why. Too late, and it breaks my heart because I could have done it sooner and ended up in a different place, but realising at the same time that everything happens for a reason. It being my broken heart....? I often wonder. Other times, I choose to watch things unfold from afar. Like a spectator. My life unveils in front of me like on a stage and I find myself criticising the main character, which is... (big surprise) me. I think of all the better lines I could have written and I leave the theatre with regret.
It confounds me. It comforts me, at the same time. Having a broken heart because of something I didn't do or didn't say is familiar. So much that I often long for it in the very few glimpses of happiness I get. I always say I want to see change in the world and in my life, but I cling so tightly to the same feelings, things, photographs and memories... Like I was branded and these are all ink under my skin. Can't change it.
But here's the funny thing. Why would anyone want to change anything? All the problems and issues and experiences and bad days, they all mean something. Along all the good that happened throughout my life, I've always taken the bad, too. Because I'm a dreamer. And I dream of a day when my eyes won't cry blood. I dream of you. Every day, until I get the chance to make it real. Until then, I dream of you. Because I'm a dreamer.
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